


The Answer Was Always You

by pandorabox82



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:21:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21794479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorabox82/pseuds/pandorabox82
Summary: Erin didn't know why she had agreed to come to David's New Year's party, but what she found there that night more than made up for the hesitation in agreeing.
Relationships: Alex Blake/Erin Strauss
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	The Answer Was Always You

Erin traced the infinity shaped scar on her wrist as she looked around the room at everyone gathered. It had been a surprise to her that David had reached out and invited her to this party he was having for the new year, especially since Krystall didn't much care for her. Whether it was because the woman was insecure and afraid that she was still pining after David, or because she had a closer connection with many of the people gathered, she didn't know, but it was starting to grate on her nerves a little, and she wished that she could drink something stronger than the sparkling cider that he had specially bought for her.

Feeling a pair of eyes on her, she turned her head to see Aaron looking her way, though he was engaged in a conversation with Alex. The longer she looked at them, the more awkward she felt, and she reached up to touch her hair nervously before looking away from them and drifting over to the refreshment table. Derek was there, holding his son's hand, and she gave him a small smile as she picked up a plate and began to fill it with finger foods. "He's gotten so big already," she said lowly, giving the child a small smile.

"I know. It's hard to believe that he's four already. Hank, tell Miss Strauss how much you're liking preschool."

The little boy looked up at her and grinned. "I love school! I can read already, and my teacher told Papa I'm a progidy."

"I can only imagine that you are what with having a smart papa and mama. But I bet that your uncle Spencer also helps to teach you a lot, too." Hank nodded before grabbing a cookie off the table, hurriedly stuffing it in his mouth before running over to where the other children were playing. "Really, he is so beautiful, Derek."

"He's the best bits of Savannah and me." He reached out to rest his hand on her shoulder, and she sighed a little as she stepped closer to the man. "But how are you doing? I know that it must be hard to be back here, and to see how everyone has moved on from the people we used to be. I know that that was a shock for me, the first time I was back with the group as a whole."

Trust him to cut to the heart of the matter, and she nodded a little as she let out a deep breath. "It is. I've been keeping up on everyone through Penelope, and it's been wonderful, but…"

"But it's hard when no one else reaches back?"

"How did you…?"

"It was the same for me. I know, we're not in the same situation, but I had to learn how to reach out and make those connections that I missed. And I know that your focus was probably on rebuilding your relationships with your children, but now might be the time where you focus on rebuilding your friendships. And here is the perfect opportunity to do just that. I saw you making eyes at Hotch, do you want me to go over there with you?"

"It wasn't Aaron that I was looking at," she said before she could stop herself, and she noticed the way his eyes widened before glancing over at Aaron and Alex. "Don't even say it. It was always going to be a pipe dream, one that I destroyed when I cut her rope during the Amerithrax debacle. We can never get back what we once had."

"You're still in love with her."

Erin blushed as she shook her head. "No."

"You can't lie to a profiler, Erin. Especially not one who saw into your soul the way I did." She knew he was right, even though she hated him for that. "And you won't know what can happen unless you reach out to her. Come on, we're going to go talk to them." He glanced over her shoulder, and she assumed that he was looking at his wife before sliding his hand down to her elbow and guiding them over to where Aaron and Alex were still conversing. "Hey guys, this is a pretty swanky party that Rossi is throwing for New Years. I think that everyone is here, even Jordan!"

"Yeah, it is a surprise that we were all invited," Alex said lowly, glancing at Erin before taking a sip of her drink. "It's amazing how much as changed in seven years. Isn't it, Erin?"

In that moment, she felt like a butterfly pinned to a mounting board, and she swallowed thickly before nodding, taking a bit of a finger sandwich in order to not have to speak. Derek seemed eager enough to fill the brief silence, as he took a short breath before opening his mouth to speak. "I didn't seem James arrive with you?"

A pained look flickered across Alex's features, and Erin felt her brows knit together in hurt and confusion, longing to reach out to the woman, to let her know that she was there for her. Their eyes met briefly, and she gave her a tiny smile. "James and I are no longer together. He and I found that while we could handle a relationship that worked long distance, living together after so much time apart didn't work quite so well."

Erin took a small step forward, her hand reaching out to touch Alex's wrist lightly. She didn't know why she was so hurt by the revelation, but her heart thumped painfully in her chest as she focused in on Alex's eyes, seeing that she was struggling to keep from crying. Before she could say anything else, Aaron and Derek were moving away from them, leaving the two women alone by the window. "The two of you seemed so strong," she finally said, not looking away from Alex.

"I thought so, too." Another awkward silence fell between them, and Erin allowed her shoulders to slump a little as she glanced around the room. "That eager to be away from me?"

Her head snapped back to face Alex, and she shook it a few times before tightening her grip around Alex's wrist. "No. I just don't know how to speak to you any longer. I know that you were upset when I came out of WitSec, and that it was partially a reason for your leaving the BAU for a second time. I wanted to reach out, but I didn't know if you wanted to hear anything from me. David didn't, and my heart couldn't handle another person that I cared for rejecting me for a decision that was never mine to make."

She glanced down at her wrist, and the scar that cruelly mocked her failures in life, gasping a little when Alex pulled her wrist free from her grasp so that she could cradle Erin's wrist and run her thumb over the offending mark. "John certainly thought highly of himself, to leave you with that mark."

Erin laughed bitterly as she nodded. "He always was a pompous ass. That's why I should have stepped in sooner, and directed you in a different direction when it came to the Amerithrax case. Maybe things would have turned out differently if I had."

"Maybe," Alex replied softly, tugging on Erin's wrist in order to draw her closer to her side. "I'm glad that you're here, though. I thought that there wouldn't be a soul that I could talk to at this party. Hotch is nice enough, but we never really gelled the way we should have, after the Replicator incident."

"I'm glad you're here, too," she said quickly, hating how tremulous her voice sounded. Alex cocked her head to one side, and in that moment, it felt like all the years between them had melted away, leaving them as they had been back at the Academy, full of hope. Sighing a little, she looked away from the woman, trying to find some equilibrium in her emotions. "So, are you still at Harvard?"

"Yes. I love teaching there, and I've already made tenure. I suppose that I still have a certain cachet in life." Erin nodded as she turned her hand in order to take hold of Alex's, squeezing tightly as she looked back at Alex. "But I do feel like I've been missing a certain companionship in my life. Do you think that, in this new year, we could begin working back to having a friendship once more?"

Erin dipped her chin a little, feeling a tiny wash of disappointment sweep over her body. Glancing down at her watch, she saw that it was nearly midnight, and that the New Year was about to begin. "Fuck it, Alex, with the new year about to start, I know that I can't go another year hiding this from you. There was a reason why I didn't contact you, after I had exited the Program. I love you. I've never been able to stop loving you, even though I married Alan and took David as my partner. There has always been this tiny piece of my heart that only belonged to you, and I know that I have no right to expect anything from this embarrassing revelation, but I can't call the words back now that they've been said."

Before Alex could gently let her down, Erin pulled her hand away from Alex's grip and briskly made her way through the room, heading for the stairs. She still knew the house quite well, and also knew that the best place to hide where no one could find her. Hurrying up the stairs, Erin bypassed the second floor, heading for the attic and curling up in the farthest gable from the staircase. Bringing her knees up to her chest, she took a few shaky breaths to try and calm herself down, knowing that she was on the verge of sobbing, and she didn't want anyone to know that she had been so upset.

She didn't know how much time had passed, but a creaking floorboard told her that she was no longer alone. Raising her head up, she glanced towards the sound, gasping a little when she saw Alex coming towards her, two flutes of champagne in her hand. "I still don't drink, Alex," she said shortly, trying to keep a handle on her emotions.

"I know. That's why I grabbed us both the nonalcoholic bubbly that Dave bought for you and the kids tonight. He also informed me of where you might be, and I am so glad that he was right," she replied as she took a seat next to Erin, handing over one of the glasses. Erin took it and brought the flute close to her chest, looking at the bubbles that were slowly rising to the top of the liquid. "You ran off before I could even give you an answer. I suppose that I deserve that, since I did the same to you after I was fired."

"No, I just. I. Fuck, this is hard. Everything about my life has been hard since I came back from rehab. The word vomit that I spilled on you sounded so much better in my head, but at some point I lost control of my heart, and truth spilled out in the most messy way possible. I know that it's probably because I've held onto these feelings for so long, and that when I finally opened up enough, they tumbled out in the worst way possible."

Alex reached out to caress Erin's cheek softly, and she sighed a little as she rubbed her cheek against Alex's palm, relishing the gentle touch. "I think that I would rather have your honesty even as messy as you think that it was, than pretty words that meant nothing." The sound of fireworks going off clued her in to the fact that it was now a new year, and she met Alex's eyes, seeing the softness there that spoke of so many things. "Happy New Year, Erin," she whispered before closing the distance between them and giving her a soft kiss.

She sighed a little, allowing Alex to deepen the kiss as she pushed her back against the wood of the window frame, relishing the taste of Alex on her lips. "Happy New Year," she finally managed to say as she brought the flute to her lips and took a long drink. Alex copied her movement before setting her glass on the floor, taking Erin's from her hand and placing it nearby. "So, we're starting the new year with a renewed focus on each other?"

"Yes. Will you come back with me to Boston tomorrow?"

"Yes." Her answer came so quickly that it caused Alex to giggle, wrapping her arms around Erin's waist before pressing a quick kiss to her cheek. "But can we forget about the fact that I told you I love you? Please?"

"No, because they were true words, and we should never forget true words." Alex smiled as she shifted positions so that she was resting against the window frame. Erin looked at her askance, trying to figure out why she had pulled away from her, only to let out a small squeak when Alex reached out for her hand. "Rest your back against my chest, and we can watch the sky together for a while."

Erin nodded as she turned around, allowing herself to be pulled back against Alex's chest, relishing the warmth that bled into her from the other woman. "Am I being foolish for hoping for something more between us? After all, you just wanted to renew the friendship part of our relationship, and I heard that and decided to barrel past friendship straight into something more."

"It probably wasn't prudent, Erin, but I think that the time for prudence between us has come to an end. I just thought that you would only want the friendship aspect that was between us. You never took another woman to your bed."

"Did you?" Erin felt Alex shake her head a little before tightening her grip around her waist. "I suppose that I could make the quip that once you find perfection, you stop looking for it elsewhere, but that seems like a crass way to describe what we shared. And what I hope we'll share in the near future." Alex let out a soft breath, the warmth of it washing across Erin's neck, causing her to shiver a little in response before scooting back a little more in order to be in closer contact with her.

"I suppose that we'll have to see what happens tonight." Alex brushed her lips against the shell of Erin's ear as she slipped her hands up her torso to cup her breasts. "Are you still so sensitive?"

"Y-yes," she whimpered in reply, her back bowing a little as Alex's thumbs brushed against her nipples, causing them to tighten deliciously. Alex chuckled lowly as she removed her hands, and Erin tried not to groan in disappointment. That sound quickly turned into a gasp when the woman's hands tugged her blouse out of her skirt and then slipped her hands beneath the fabric and settled them onto her breasts once more. "Oh, we cannot do this here, I don't want to be caught by any of them. I want this to stay between us. Please?"

"Who's going to find us up here? Rossi is so wrapped up in Krystall that he won't follow after us." Alex accompanied those words by slipping her hands beneath her bra, squeezing the flesh softly before burying her face in the crook of Erin's neck. "Do you remember that night we went back to the hotel room feeling defeated?"

"That was the first night we kissed. Your lips were always sweet as wine to me. They still are," she replied, a tiny gasp escaping her lips when she felt Alex nip at the tendon of her neck. "Oh, Lexie, we need to, oh, fuck," she muttered, arching her back a little higher into Alex's hands. Soon, they were going to be past the point of no return, and she truly didn't know if she wanted that to happen here or not. "Please, Lexie," she whined, squirming against her.

"Hey, Rossi said that…oh. Oh god, I…I didn't realise…I'm just going to head back down the stairs and act as if I…"

Erin sat up with a start, glancing in the direction of Penelope's voice, feeling her cheeks bloom into a heated blush as she tried not to panic. "We, we didn't hear you on the stairs," she said, her breasts heaving from the quickness of her breaths.

"I tried to be quiet," the younger woman said as she looked anywhere but at them. "Rossi said something about you seeming sad, Erin, and that he sent Alex up here two hours ago to cheer you up. I guess he was right about that?"

Alex slowly removed her hands, tugging Erin's blouse back into place before gently nudging her to stand up. Taking the cue, she did just that and smoothed her skirt, meeting Penelope's gaze as steadily as she could. "I had not expected us to reconnect quite like this, Penelope. Though I am very glad that we were able to find this little nook of our own tonight. Please, don't tell the others what you saw. I have the feeling that Alex is like me, and will want to keep this under wraps until we're certain of the foundation we're building. Remember, the only reason you found out about David and myself was by accidentally seeing us at the hotel that morning."

Penelope nodded as she took a few steps forward, holding out her hands. Erin gave her a tiny nod, and then the woman was hugging her tightly. "Though it might not seem like it, I can keep people's secrets close to my heart when asked. I'm just glad to see that the two of you are working towards happiness. You both deserve to be happy, after all this time." Letting go of Erin, she gave a quick wave to Alex before turning and making her way to the staircase and heavily making her way down, as if to let them know that they would soon be alone once more.

"How did you know?"

"I didn't, not really. I was just hoping that we were on the same wavelength. Now, did you drive here?"

"No, I took an Uber, since I had planned on drinking. Instead, I became intoxicated by your sweet lips." Erin chuckled before licking her lips, hoping that Alex would take the invitation. The woman swallowed a quick grin before closing the distance between them and kissing her softly. "Are we going to head back to your home, then?"

"I thought that we might. I'll need to pack a bag if I'm going to head to Boston with you tomorrow." The smile that spread across Alex's face stole Erin's breath away for a moment, and she found herself returning the expression before taking a deep breath and indicating towards the staircase with her head. "I'll go out and start the car if you want to take care of our glasses?"

"I'll meet you outside, Erin." Alex gave her another soft kiss before brushing past her to head down the stairs first. Erin began to hum a happy tune, finding her heart so light now that her secret was both out in the air and so warmly received. And she knew that no matter what questions might come in the future, her answer would always be, had always been, Alex.


End file.
